-The ritual feast is pureed.
-Last Beltaine the coven decided it would be nice to go out to dinner to celebrate.
-The last time you tried to do a spiral dance your oxygen feeds got tangled.
-Viagra is kept in the coven supplies.
-The maiden of the coven is a grandmother.
-The ritual room is outfitted with defibrillators.
-The coveners drive their RV's to Scottsdale for Mabon.
-When you are at a festival you go to bed at sunset.
-It takes the whole coven to move the cauldron.
-The high priest still has a vendetta going against Richard Nixon.
-You find yourself using your pendulum over the stock pages in the newspaper.
-You tell an initiate that in your day you had to slog through five feet of snow uphill both ways when you did a Yule ritual.
-You drop your teeth in the ritual cup.
-At Samhain you see more of your coveners in the Wild Hunt than you do in circle.
-You put your athame in the chalice during ritual but you can't remember why.
-You hold an all night blow-out drum frenzy and none of your neighbors noticed.
-You use Glenn Miller records for trance music.
-All of your ritual robes are tie-dyed
-Your coven has a 401(k) retirement plan.
-A nitro pill vial replaces the crystal on your pendant.
-No one's successfully jumped the Beltaine fire since 1983.
-When the coven sings, "Creak and groan, creak and groan . . ."
-When you set comfy chairs around the circle.
-When you sit on the floor and can't get up again.
-You do anointings with Aspercreme.
-The oak tree your coven planted died of old age.
-You use Bran Muffins and Prune Juice for Cakes & Ale because you need the extra fiber.
-You don't use salt to consecrate you altar because you need to stay away from extra sodium.
-You use a walker during the Wild Hunt
-You prefer to rent a Hall for rituals because the bathrooms are closer.
-You need a flashlight to find the candles.
source: Pagan Humor Because We Get It
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